Dota Wars

Hello its been a stupid week of interveiws and being in several places and meeting people and sorting shit out and blah blah blah you don't care. There are more important things to talk about than my life... like video games! I've been playing a lot of minecraft again, and i can't fucking wait till 1.8, though of course every one who plays minecraft already probably knows this but, ze adventure mode babby gonna be awesome and the enderman mob being introduced, obviously refrence to the slenderman, sounds creepy as hell, i'm sure theres a joke involving creepers or something but i'm too tired to think of one. Also in related news i was on the server that the one and only Yogscast used today to shatter the world record of people in a server clocking 2622 players, it was just insane.
           Also HoN or Heroes Of Newerth has now become free to play and has roatating sets of characters and has pissed a bunch of fans off for becoming too much like its rival LoL or Leauge Of Legends. For those of you who don't know they are Dota games which stands for Defence Of The Ancients which originaly spawned from Warcraft 3. Anyway there seems to be divide of vicious fans for either one, nobody likes both games and fans of one will hate the other i always thought after only playing LoL and the original WC3 map that they can't be that different and failed to see where the hate comes from. But i tryed out HoN after its free to play release and now i fully understand, despite both being the same type of game with the same objectives and same map and now same type of character roatation etc... They feel so different and i am now offcialy a LoL fan hating HoN. LoL is just a lot more user freindly and simpiler to handle and is just a lot more fun, also i prefer the art style it also throws in comedic value its just gratifying to play. Where as HoN on the other hand is a lot darker, a lot more complex like needlessly complex for a simple premise and just feels like it was sculpted for narcissistic elitists. Its just all gritty and serious and i was just overwhelmed and got disorintated by it. Dota is a simple thing which is why its so good going by the easy to learn but difficult to master stratagem, LoL sticks to this it has 4 buildings the towers, the inhibitor, the main base and the shop. It has a laid out map with bushes to hide in allowing for pleanty of tactics. And it has a clean, crisp UI. HoN on the other hand feels the need to add a billion other things to this changing it into ridiculous to learn and nigh impossible to master without some spiritual journey and years of meditation. It has god knows how many buildings half of them i'm not sure what they do, at your base theres 2 types of barracks that make men and theres shrines and houses everywhere for no reason other than to clutter up the feild. On top of that it has "neutral" buildings you can take over in the map one's an observertory and the other is another random shop because you can't have all your items in one place no that would be to "casual", speaking of the map there isn't any bushes to hide in for escapes and tactical ambushes but you can go in the trees and you can also destroy the trees to make new paths because thats like "inovative" or something. And of course the UI is just the total opposite, especialy when it comes to shoping i'm not even going to start on the shopping i'm too tired. Oh also in LoL you can get summoner powers adding an extra level and tactics and you have a recall spell to get back to base to heal up and buy items quickly, both of these things are missing in HoN on that note the healing at your base in HoN is painfully slow compared to LoL's couple second stop and the back in the fight. Theres prob a lot more things i prefer about LoL... well i prefer everything about LoL to HoN i just can't be bothered to name them all right now.
goodnight

Indie lovin

I've been playing a fair few indie games recently, you know on the side of WoW of course i know i complained about firelands being boring when it came out but since then i re-subscribed after watching lawrence, healed a few raids, took on one of the bosses in firelands and yeah. I take it back its very fun however i'm no longer counting WoW as a game. I listened to YoGPoD interveiw on nordrasil radio and lewis raises a good point WoW is a hobby rather than a game, though one could argue that gaming in general is a hobby but WoW it self is a specific hobby seperate from the rest of it, i mean its like Warhammer if you think about it, you pay every now and then to gain more of it you use that time to build your characters up and perfect them, and you have an entertaining social experiance and thats why i think WoW is so popular and good. Its more than a game it has become part of peoples lives, and thats not a bad thing contary to popular belif i hate how people who don't play WoW just call it shit and the only argument they come up with is "Oh its sad it takes over your life blah blah blah" its our fucking lives not yours! And we enjoy it as a hobby why do you care? Though if they have only watched it then can complain its boring because it is boring to watch but don't diss it till you try it. However yeah there are some people who take it way to far and do let it consume their lives you should take it in moderation and enjoy other things to but its fine to have as a hobby and i think more people would accept it if they looked at it as a hobby rather than a game. Oh also most people who say shit like that are CoD addicts and think its too geeky, fucking hypocrites!
       Anyway moving on i am surrently loving indie games i've been playing Dungeons of Dreadmor, Drawfs?!, Outland (For ze Xbox 360 rather than PC like everything else) and i just recently became aware of Altitude thanks to TotalBiscuit from the tube of you's and i really like the look of Bastion though havn't got round to downloading it yet. But yeah each are fantastic games, infinitly better than 95% of the mainstream, £40 on release shit that comes out and only cost a couple fo pound each. In fact CoD is a good example of this, Black Ops in particular it is stupidly expensive and not really that good well the single player is shit, the competative multiplayer is alright but isn't the best or most fun experiance that everybody seems to think it is, zombie survival is fun but still not the best coughkillingfloorkicksitsasscough. Now leading to my point the best and most fun part of the entire game is arcade twin stick shooter mini game however you can buy a better version of those games for about £1 off xbox live marketplace, in fact you can probably get a game for each of those points i pointed out the single player, multiplayer co-op + competative and the arcade mini-game so thats 4 games for half the price if not less acctualy i'll look on steam now and point them out, well mini-game theres "i made a game with zombies in it" if want to stick with the zombie theme for like a pound, competative multiplayer theres TF2 which is now free zombie survival as i pointed out before theres Killing Floor for £15 and single player theres Half Life 2 with both the episodes added on the end costs another £15 so maybe thats over half but still thats 4 games (well possibly 6 if you count episode one and two as seperate games as well) though you could not get the episodes for HL and it would be half the cost of CoD and every single one of them is 100 times better. Ok only one of them was indie but besides the point am sure if you looked could find indie games that do it for even cheaper i just thought of the best games off top of my head. Anyway this concludes my CoD hating rant see ya

Forsaken Shit

I tried out Forsaken World the free MMO... Oh good god it should be banished to a hellish forsaken world and its creators forever raped by sentient WiiU's that also belong there. It is litterly the worst game i have played in quite a while, ok i only played to level 10 but that leads on to the most recent problem i encountered. I turned it off last night and thought would give it a second chance today see if the dungeons get any better but i couldn't do that because my character had just disapated for no real reason. Litterly just POOF gone no trace i could only make new characters, if i acctualy cared about the game or put  a lot of time in it i would be pissed off for example if that happened to my little Voodoothing (my World Of Warcraft character) heads would roll. Anyway i'll move on to the forsaken game itself (ok i'll stop using forsaken as an insult now) i choose to be a female vampire because these games always have to make the females as slutty and revealing as possible, which i don't approve of by the way i'm just curious to see how low they will sink and i find it hilarious not sexy, also the proportions are ridiculous it takes "hour glass figure" to a new extreame. If she existed in real life i could... No scratch that a child could, no a baby could put its hand around her waist like a twig. Then her breasts are intimidatingly large. And of course you can't change the proportions at all to make her resemble a human being or be appealing which leads on to the costumes. I equiped my starting armour which was a corset that pined up her boobs and only covered a quarter of them at the bottom and the leg armour... didn't acctualy change her appearance... at all... her legs were tottaly bare revealing panties, in fact i think it was less revealing if you didn't have anything equiped, then the second lot of armour i found somehow was even worse, it added stockings but still left her panties on display and the body armour just covered the back and sides leaving all of her front open so we can gork at her baddly textured body wasn't that thoughtful. I'm pretty sure that "sex appeal" is the only thing that gets players to... play. Ok at the moment it looks like i'm just insulting the stupid female models and you may be asking youself "Well whats acctualy wrong with the game, it would be forgivable if it played alright." Well allow me to tell you the problems, first and foremost it is the easiest game ever invented, there is no challenge at all it litterly is nigh impossible to die unless you activly go and try to make youself die maybe that is the challenge? Its certainly the rareist most difficult thing to accomplish, to put this into persepctive for you as vampire one of your abilities uses a fraction of your health to damage enemies... And a single use of that spell will hurt you more than the enemy will through the whole battle and i had an ability which let me drain health as well so i just healed up immediatly. Another thing the mobs aren't hostile par about 4 or 5 that i came across (and this game populates its world with hundreds) for the vast majority though you have to attack them before they will attack you, you can lesiurly stroll around an entire village of enemies and nothing will happen, there was a boss... sorta and even he doesn't attack you unless attacked, and you are supposed to kill him with a special knife in a quest that brings his health down to make him die in 1-hit but i didn't have that quest first so fought him without it which took a while because he had a fuck ton of health but i killed him after a few minutes and i acctualy had more health after the fight than what i started it with. I also had an ability that instantly kills any enemy within a small radius so i pulled nearly a whole village of bounty hunters then stood in the middle used it and killed all of them through-out gathering them up i only didn't even lose half my health. Somebody please explain to me how that is fun... i am truly baffled at how bad this is yet when i stated it was shit on facebook somebody was shocked at how i thought that... it frazzles my mind maybe the rest of the game gets harder but i highly doubt it. Oh another thing it doesn't show you where to go for quests or even tell you the direction so i ended up getting lost several times, also the animations are ass the running animation specificly began to slowly give my eyes cancer. Anyway i'm going to uninstall this stain from my hard-drive and have a cold shower to cleanse myself.

The buggy madness is over.

Yes it has been a month since i bought Alice: Madness Returns and i have only just
got round to finishing it which is a huge shame, the first is one of my faveorite games and while Madness is in a lot of ways superior it suffers from huge game breaking bugs. If those bugs were fixed then would be fantastic! Aside from the bugs i have two nitpicky complaints A: The lack of boss fights, boss fights are some of the best parts in games and certainly was in the 1st Alice but in Madness there is only the final level, i know a lot of games now-a-days don't really have bossess but its annoying, they have the bosses from the 1st as characters to talk to now and they set up fights (especially in the first chapter) only to do nothing with it which is a little disapointing. And B: the lack of weapons, there is only 4 now the signature Vorpal Blade, a Hobby Horse hammer, a Pepper Grinder machine gun and a Teapot Cannon which are awesome weapons i can't deny. But in the original the weapon viarity was amazing and each weapon had two different types of attack effectivly making nearly double the types of attack you can make. Oh also theres no fucking Jabberwocky what the shit? Well there sorta-not-really-creppy-cutsecne is and also there sorta-not-really-skeltal-corpsey-10second-version is. But its annoying the Jabberwocky was the iconic boss in the 1st game. Representing alice's guilt and he kept coming back and there were smaller children versions as regular enemies, once you defeated him the first time you got one of the most powerful weapons he was a big deal. Then in Madness BAM hes gone although he is replaced with  other symbolic enemies but still he should be there, even if only for one level.
         Anyway i'm being really negative towards it so far but i have a lot of praise for it and recomend... well i use the term recomend lightly get it for xbox if you do buy it not pc my freind had it for xbox where as i have it on PC and he said he didn't have any buggy problems. But yeah i have a lot of praise for it the gameplay is fast paced, smooth and a lot of fun with some puzzles thrown in the mix and 2D sections which are awesome. The graphics and physics are beautiful (the physics especialy i wasted time just walking through the goo and shooting my pepper grinder just for the particles), the story is fantastic which ties in with the graphics its a very visual telling like the first game everything is very metaphorical and symbolic, also the writing is very clever and i love the word play its filled with amazing lines and quotes. But most importantly is the atmosphere and the level design it is with out a doubt the best i have played in a long, long time if not the best. The levels set peices are breathtaking and they themselves can invoke all sorts of emotions this is the most apparant in the final chapter, which is truly the creepiest couple of hours of my life and after 11 hours and a half it has a great payoff. It could have easily been up there with my faveorite games if it only wasn't for the bugs and having it constantly breaking. But never the less it is an amazing surreal game that is a rare gem to find in the modern state of video games.

Dum Dum Drunkards

Dum drunkards are dum. I really don't understand the appeal the typical club that people seem to flock to on a night of drinking, you have to queue for half an hour at least then pay an extortionate amount of money just to get inside, then you have to queue for half an hour at least and pay an extortionate amount of money to get a drink, making it nigh impossible to acctualy get drunk unless you order like 10 drinks each time and/or are a light-weight, then after that you cant talk because they play really loud and shit music which you can't dance to properly because you're surrounded by idiots and sluts. I just don't understand how people can be so dumb to go to them so much when there's cheaper, better places that don't require queues to get inside and relativly short queues to get drinks with better music. (ok i admit that music involves personal taste but one of the clubs i'm on about plays a varity of music on different days but it is always absolutly dead.) I just don't understand why people go to the more expensive places and neglect the better cheaper places. It just defys all logic and common sense. But hey its better for me i supose.

The long lost tale of Sir Pesticles

One week later i make a new post DUNH DUNH DUNHHHHHHHH, I've been wasting my time playing WoW, Alice and Torchlight alongside watching movie s and cartoons, I am truly living the dream. But anyway i find there is nothing more humorous than hearing random snip-its of strangers conversations and lives, that sounds a lot creepier than it actually is, but you know when you just walk along and hear a line of peoples conversation completely out of context its brilliant you can hear anything and your mind will automaticly make up the rest of the story  to be as ludicrous as possible. For example i heard someone say "it was all over my face", now a lesser man will assume she was on about something sexual, i however imagined a cartoonish series of slapstick-esque events, first tripping over a wire, then steping on a rake that subsequently hits them in the face, followed by doing a somersault after tripping on a banana peel then landing face first in a pile of a brown runny foreign object.
      Anyway you may be wondering where "Sir Pesticles" relates well another very humorous part of life is when you start talking to random people and they indulge you in a random story of how they got their nickname, Sir Pesticles being said randomer. I was on WoW in a dungeon and we started talking about drunken antics as you and it was sliped that my name is teeters so he said it was better than pesticles, so natturaly i asked why hes called pesticles in which he replied "While drunk i was dared £10 to put my nuts in my passed out mates mouth so i did it" i then asked was it worth it so he simply said "for 12 years of being called Sir Pesticles... no but i bloody well got the £10!"

Air show of +5 annoyance

Air shows there good old family fun featuring awesome aerial acrobatics and... Stuff... Right? WRONG! Well to be fair i don't have anything against the show itself, if you're into that thing then good for you, it's just when they decide to fly over our freikin' house when most of us are still asleep that it starts to get a wee bit annoying! Do whatever the hell you pilots want in the designated show area, but i've spent the last 3 days getting woken up by you bastards and now you can go fuck off and crash 1: So you can leave the good people of my household to their nice, undisturbed sleep 2: The resulting crash and fire will be a moer intresting thing to watch than you flying and 3: It'll be a cool story to tell the kids and will bring you closer to your freinds and family through happiness that you survived... Assuming of course that you survive

Yours sincerly a tired Daniel Teeters

Beware the ATM my son!

Twas closing and the walking people did tread and moan in the streets.
All shut were the shops and the shutters went down...

Ok this is a terrible attempted cover of Jabberwocky i'm ashamed of myself somebody slap me. Anyway the point i was trying to say is that my bank card expired, and i tryed to withdraw money so i could eat this good day, as most people do, but the bloody ATM ate my card. Leaving me moneyless with a blank expression on my face and a heavy sigh in my chest. It could have the common curtosy to at least give me the £10, it waited until i entered my PIN and chose to withdraw money before telling me that its going to consume it, wouldn't have been as annoying if it just did it to start off rather than luring me into a false sense of security. There has to be some sadistic DM behind this to set such a devious trap, i guess i failed my sense evil roll.
      In other news i'm situated in the most dysfunctional house to ever exist i swear to god. Lawrence is a drunkard and began to try and scare passers-by (even though nobody acctualy passed by) by opening and closing the blinds shouting boo, then he procceded to play simon says... With himself... Am sure theres a induendo in there somewhere, if not there then theres pleanty "cuming" up. Somehow he stumbled upon a cleaning spray foam thing... I'm not 100% sure waht exactly it contained but it was white and sticky... And he sprayed it all over our female freinds face and hair and in her mouth and she probably swallowed a bit of it... However "karmas a bitch" as the saying goes... Karmas also got a sick sense of humour... When Lawrence got upstairs he noticed the dog was eating something strange and from downstairs i could just hear "I just took something out of Merry's mouth, could it have been a... OH GOD!" I'll leave it up to your imagination to decipher what it was, all i'll say is that it started white and ended up red... 


Sweet dreams