To quote 500 Days of Summer "Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life." Which is very true, but every now and then something happens that you know will create a story to reminisce on later on in your life, and will bond the people involved (Or you know if its a bad thing like splitting up with a girlfreind quite the opposite.) This is one of those stories... Its also probably one of those "You had to be there moments" as they quite often are, so its gonna be way funnier for me than people reading.
So we were hungry and random decided to go get a carvery from down the road, kingsize, with a few alcoholic beverages twas pretty awesome. You know like i said last time had meal that there were loads of people having dinner on their own, well there was another at the carvery place sat in the corner a few tables away from us. Lets just say she left in an annoyed huff after she had eaten... Primarily due to me. Shouting POPPAY! (It's an inside joke, i don't understand how we started saying it or why so no point explaining). Anyway, as a lot of these memorable stories do, the best part involved a drunkard.
So we had finished le meal and were just chatting and finishing drinks when suddenly a wild retard appears. So this drunk off his face idiot randomly comes over and starts saying "I'm hardcore, i'm bad through i could knock out every single one of you lads i been in prison you know got ass raped you know what i mean?" Then he walked off, so we was just awkwardly sat there, really confused as to what had happened. Also i love how he said know what i mean? As though we looked like had been in prison and ass raped someone/been ass raped. Anyway before we could revoer he came back saying how badass he is but then said "you're good guys i like you keep safe" then switched back to being like "i could kill you in the parking lot" and then he just constantly kept changing like "your good guys i'm going to kill you but i like you". At this point we was all just trying not to burst out laughing, but the comedian of our group couldn't help himself any longer so the drunkard said "i'll punch you into tomorow" to which my freind Marc casually turned to him and said "I certainlly hope you don't. I've got things want to do tonight" at that point we all just started pissing ourselves with laughter, then about 10 seconds after (i don't think he understood what was happening) the drunkard started laughing with us and walked off again saying hes gonna get some food and calling us good lads once more.
So we finished our drinks and he came back one final time, proceeded with the normal hes hardcore gonna kill us but he really loves us routine till he got to a quote of pure hilarious stupidity that will place the night in our minds forever. Bear in mind that this was a carvery restraunt you go to the bar buy a ticket and then go and get the food yourself. He said "the service here is shit isn't it i've been waiting half an hour and aint got food yet" as if that wasn't stupid enough after we had explained that he had to go get it himself he said the greatest insult that could be a compliment if he was smart ever. He said "they have knobs as big as their tounges" its just wow. He obviously meant it as an insult to say they have small dicks, but he doesn't know (i'm just assuming here admitidly but some how i highly doubt it) that your tounge goes all the way to the bottom of the throat and was actually a compliment.
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